Parenting Books for First Three Years

I’ve listed some faves. Followed by certain topics and the books I turn to when I have specific concerns.

You are Your Child’s First Teacher

A hippied-out book that I love It’s very Waldorf focused, which is a fantasy-based pedagogy. But offers great advice on general parenting, discipline, etc. Mostly chronological, so easy to read just the beginning while pregnant, then continue after baby is born. In sync with the RIE approach in the idea of observing your baby vs. trying to teach them. 

Good Nights: The Happy Parents' Guide to the Family Bed (and a Peaceful Night's Sleep!) by Maria Goodavage and Jay Gordon

I wish I would have read this before the birth. It’s so comforting. It gives a historical and anthropological discussion of sleeping families.  If you’re looking for a more mainstream back-up for this perspective, check out Dr. William Sears website and go to the Sleep Problems section. Start by reading the 8 infant sleep facts and if you have more time, read the next parts. He also has this stuff in one of his books…maybe the main “Baby Book”??

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T070100.asp - http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T070100.asp

Your Self-Confident Baby, M. Gerber

So I COMPLETELY disagree with almost everything said about sleep in this book. What I did love about this philosophy is the idea of observation and respect. It’s not that profound, but it was comforting once Fisher was a couple months old. It made me feel like I wasn’t supposed to be “doing” anything and that just being with him was the best thing I could do. I actually went to a RIE class and had a friend who went a lot. The book seems strict – the classes are much more mellow. It’s easy to read this and get the impression that you’re supposed to let your baby cry…the classes did not encourage that and were totally in support of comforting your baby. The main idea is to not interfere as much. This actually becomes more important as kids start playing with each other. Parents get so involved – and it’s easy to feel pressure to do that at the playground.

Kindergarten with your Three to Six Year Old, Donna Simmons

Although I’m not planning to homeschool our kids, I still wanted to have a form to our life that was meaningful. The Waldorf perspective is really warm and creative. Montessori is wonderful, too – but is a little more defined and teaching oriented for our home life. The funny thing is, I would not want to send my child to a traditional Waldorf school, but prefer its style for our home. I would send my child to Montessori, but wouldn’t want our home to be in that domain. I could go into this more deeply, but for now, I love this book. It provides examples for how to organize your day, bring rhythm without feeling planned and many other amazing ideas.

TOPICS

Discipline

This is a very important topic for me. I really wanted to have form in our home, and I knew that there must be a progressive way to discipline. After lots of searching, I honed in on an approach that we all liked.  I now believe that there is a way to discipline that is actually enjoyable to both parent and child. In reading these books, I have found that many “explosions” can easily be avoided, thus negating the need for some disciplinary action. Rhythm, form, patience, creativity – really understanding the child’s world – all make life for everybody easier. In moments where I just want to say “Stop it!” – I dig a little deeper and slow things down. Usually if I take about one more minute to recognize what my child is trying to do or is upset about, articulate that to him, then transition into a creative approach, “Let’s flap your duck wings and see if we can get your diaper changed” – tantrums are often squashed. A balance between real-world words about their feelings and experience coupled with a little fantasy makes for a smooth life in our house. As my best friend said, “You’re just speaking their language.” But just to keep things real, I have also just carried my screaming child into a room and told him to come out when he’s done screaming. I don’t recommend that, but I want to be honest and not pretend that everything is always chip-cheery-o here. Books that support this approach:

1.You are your Child’s First Teacher

2.Rainbow Bridge

3.Kindergarten with your Three to Six Year Old

More to come…

Food

Playing, Crafts & Toys

Traditions